That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
