so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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