I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Even my vagina gasped.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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