so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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