Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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