I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
