So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
