i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
