Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
