Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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