I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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