Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
