hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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