Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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