All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize