Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
