So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
