So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
