this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
