I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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