Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
