We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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