you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
3 2 1 whiskey
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
