3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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