I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
