I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize