dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
