i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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