arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
