who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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