I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
