Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
