Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
