Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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