So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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