You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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