you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
