the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
