i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
