i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
