He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
