Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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