Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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