It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
