Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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