Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Randomize
