But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
