remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
