Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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