the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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