Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
