It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
