honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
