so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
