Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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