Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
