Apparently you make a good broom.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
