I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
