2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Everyone says I win the strip club
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