You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
