fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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