I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We just shotgunned beers for America
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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