I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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