So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
