he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
