It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize