I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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