I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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