Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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