I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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