Where are you?
In a non slutty way
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
