I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
