the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
