I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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