like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
