Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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