Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize