about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
