so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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