His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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