dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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