You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
