If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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