Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
