Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
