I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
