Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You're like the curious george of whores
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize