did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
