I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
