wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
